capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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