Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
