What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
