I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize