Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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