3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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