GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize