It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
