Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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