i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
