I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Randomize
