just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Randomize
