Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I'm eating all of the evidence.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize