Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
