we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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