We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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