I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
