dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
