At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
