I have demons in me.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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