that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
