i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
