I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
