I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
