Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
