did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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