Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
