sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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