That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
