Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
