do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
