Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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