He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
