Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
