Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
