He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
