I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
