I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
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