Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
