so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
