This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize