I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
It's just like the Real World with babies
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
FUCK WHALES
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
