hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
