I'm so fucking centered right now
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize