Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Brb crying the tears of my youth
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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