I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
She bit a glass in half.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
