She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
