What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
please come you make the beer taste better
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
