Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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