so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
