i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
