Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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