I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
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