Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
