Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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