she woke up with a sticky ear
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Randomize
