can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
