At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
