Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Randomize
