so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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