The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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