I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
