genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
